"Wannabes page"
So, you want to be a biker?
First of all, you have to sound like a biker. So without further ado, we'll start with a list of frequently used motorcycling terms:-
ASS
The thing that you "haul" down the "blacktop".
FORKS
Steel multi-pronged tools that you use when eating.
SHOCKS
What you receive if you grab hold of the plug lead.
TWIN SHOCK
What you receive if you grab hold of two plug leads.
HARD LUGGAGE.
A suitcase with a machine gun. Also something found in Terry Pratchett's books.
UPSIDE-DOWN FORKS
See "FORKS". Very difficult to eat with. Can also be the result of employing poor mechanics to service your bike.
SPRINGER
A breed of cute spaniel.
HARD TAIL
The thing that sticks out of the arse end of a crocodile.
BIG END
The top part of a pint glass, the bit where they pour the beer in.
LITTLE END
The base of a pint glass, the bit you balance it on the table with.
RACE CAN
The receptacle in which you keep your racing worms. Hence the expression "open a can of worms" i.e. You are going to take out your worm, ready for racing.
KNEE SLIDERS
A small teflon device which you strap to your leg so that your jeans will "slide" over your knees.
CHOKE
See also "THROTTLE" What you would like to do to blind motorists.
THROTTLE
See also "CHOKE" A "cure" for "Sorry mate. I didn't see you"
COMBINATION
A seldom used term for thermal underwear.
FAT BOB
A guy named Robert who is a bit of a fat bastard.
Having familiarized yourself with some of the above motorcycling terms, you should be able to conduct a conversation with a biker, who, with any luck, won't spot that you're a complete beginner.
Right.
You should now be ready to meet:-
Just click on the club name above.